I still remember the days I spent mourning for my life.
Why me?
Why our kids?
Why my dream?
What did I do wrong?
Was I that bad?
It felt like robbers just broke into our lives, took every single thing away, ripped our hearts apart and left us wounded. I felt like a victim. A victim of this life. A victim of all the bad things in the world.
Whenever I had a rough day, I would immediately cry my heart out, feeling victimized. Why were other people happy but I was not? I thought I somewhat deserved to have a complete and happy family. I thought I deserved to live life to the fullest. I thought I deserved to walk toward my dream. But now this? How could I live my life with a limp and a big hole?
I would spend days mourning, sulking and being angry before feeling a bit better. But shortly after that, another rough day came, and I ended up going around in a circle.
Maybe you can relate to this because you’ve been in similar shoes or you are currently walking in the long journey of grief. Please allow me to tell you today that what you are experiencing is a normal response to loss regardless how long you’ve lost your loved one. It took me a while to process until I finally realized that there was no point in playing victims, until I realized seeing myself as a victim imprisoned my soul.
It took me a while to be able to say that God didn’t do this to me. I mean, how could he?
Two thousand years ago, Jesus chose to carry the pain, suffering and all the punishment of the world upon Himself. For a little moment, He was despised by His own Father because of the sin of the world He chose to take upon himself. He did it all, so we don’t have to. And because He carried them all, He knows exactly how pain, suffering, sorrow and grief feels and looks like.